“A father's interest in having a child--perhaps his only child--may be unmatched by any other interest in his life.” Justice William H. Rehnquist
Hidden, hurting, bound by guilt and shame, millions of men are the source of abortion’s choice yet ignored in the reality of abortions tragedy. Men experiencing lost fatherhood need hope forgiveness, healing and freedom.
For too long men have been sidelined and ignored in this horrific war on fatherhood and the unborn. Beside the wholesale sacrifice of the unborn, the hearts and lives of men have become collateral damage in the battle. Believing they must remain stoic in masculine valor they bear their unresolved grief while being ignored in the aftermath and destruction abortion brings. Men have succumbed to the role of a partner silenced, having their fatherhood sacrificed, and being a man incomplete.
The current culture in America has declared war on the hearts of men and the battlefields on which this war takes place are vast and destructive. Immersed in situational ethics and subjective morality men face issues which attack them from within as never before. Men of today battle with identifying personal integrity and character while maintaining sexual purity and commitment in the face of pornography and sexual liberalism. All this while having their values and identities undermined by pervasive media influence suggesting that manhood is a visceral right of passage rather than a lifelong commitment of accountability and responsibility.
We are often disconnected with our own fathers and vital family structures which in the past modeled proper male female relationships and helped prepare us for our role as men of integrity and accountability. Many men today are lacking in the skills and character which true manhood and fatherhood demand. All of this coupled with the sacrifice of their own children to abortion, whether intentional or unintentional, has created multiple generations of men who are emotionally and mentally walking wounded.
The quote above by Justice Rehnquist speaks to the core of our identities as men as we are programmed by our creator to desire the heritage of children. What is missing from Justice Rehnquist’s statement is the concept of accountability and the proper context that being a father should exist within.
My own journey as a wounded and hurting man began with the loss of my first son to an abortion in 1979. I attempted to navigate those vast and overwhelming battlefields in my heart and mind without first realizing that the conspiracy hich had claimed the life of my son had begun with me. I attempted to justify my role in this tragedy through the rationalization that I wanted the baby and had offered to marry this woman in an effort to do the right thing. What I finally realized after years of heartache and defeat was that the time to “do the right thing” was before I got her pregnant and put her in the place of having to make a “choice.”
My attempt at damage control was out of sequence with the events, much like saying “ready, fire, aim.” I had ignored my accountability for the circumstances out of the self preserving desire to deny my role in my own son’s death. I failed to realize that seldom is a battle won single handedly. When we are faced with overwhelming odds in terms of the battlefields we face, often our perceived role as the strong and capable man deceives us into believing we are capable of victory through our own abilities and determination. This same self deception has been the weapon used against us as men by society and the source of cultural disregard for the emotional and mental devastation we often suffer through the abortion of our children.
As I had to, any man affected by abortion’s pain and loss who is searching for the strength and power to make the journey to wholeness, must first admit that in our own strength we are overpowered, undermanned, and unprepared to achieve victory. We must seek out and identify ourselves with a power greater than our own which has the ability to restore us and empower us for the journey to healing and peace. We must realize that to win the battles which individually comprise the war against our identity as men almost always requires a healthy, capable, well armed, well trained, and unified army with a common plan of action. When we try to achieve individually that which can only be accomplished through the power of a unified force we are destined to defeat and division in our struggle for recognition, influence, and leadership. “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.”
As men, husbands and fathers who have suffered the egregious loss of our children and our identity we must first be willing to accept accountability for our role in this tragedy if we are to have any hope of finding healing and wholeness. We must seek out and reach out to a power greater than our own which can provide that which we cannot provide for ourselves: forgiveness, restoration, spiritual empowerment, and peace. We must be willing to combine our individual strength and power into a common and unified army with one voice and mission. Our mission must be to regain our rightful place as men, husbands, leaders, and fathers who are also examples of integrity and character. Our voice must say that we are not aloe and that it is safe to speak out and ask for help and healing. Through these steps we together can achieve ultimate victory in the war for our children, our souls, our fallen comrades in abortion, and most of all provide a legacy of victory and hope for the next generation of men who follow us into battle!