Hi, it has been a while since I have been here and a lot has happened during the last year and a half since I posted last including the birth of my beautiful angel straight from heaven. That is where my current issues begin. Since my daughter was born I have once again been struggling with PA issues. The guilt and shame is almost overwhelming. Everytime I spend time with her I feel guilty about the other opportunities that God gave me and how I destroyed them. I guess for the first time I am also admitting or rather realizing exactly what it was that I did. I see her and see how much joy and everything that she brings to my life and I am forced to admit what it is that I did. I hate myself all over again for it. I am forced to admit that this beautiful baby is what I destroyed out of pure selfishness.

Also I feel like my previous decisions and the death of my daughter 4 years ago due to sids are standing in the way of me being able to completely love my daughter now. Dont get me wrong I love her with all of my heart but it seems that no matter what I do there is something hindering me from being able to completely love her and give her all that she deserves.

Are these kind of thoughts normal after the birth of a child? Has anyone else experienced this or similar things after the birth of a child? Thank you for your input.

Sushine,

     Welcome to Safe Haven.  I ran away to have my second child and married the father. It did not replace the one that I had lost. I was okay for a while then it hit again. I went to get help and was drugged up and they didn't want to hear. I stuffed it down again and after the death of my brother, I was determined to find answers. I found plenty. I have been whole since I found Post Abortion healing. I still struggle with issues every know and then. Do you have some of the symptoms? Have you sought counseling from a Christian stand point? Please keep posting or go the chats, we are here to help you in your journey.

Cyber hug,

Patty