I make this post as a broad response to recent posts by melly and some of the other women who participate on this site. I just sit in dumbfounded disbelief as I read about the experiences of women who have given their bodies to men and later to abortion often revisiting the very cycle of circumstances that brought them here.
As a man who has fathered an abortion and a man who has experienced the joy of 27 years of marriage, three wonderful children and now one grandson I am bound by my honor as a man to respond to this situation.
I would like to ask those women who have “boy friends” and engage routinely in sexual exchange exclusive of marriage to consider the following scenario. As a woman I wonder if you would allow a man to come to your home and walk in with dirty muddy feet and grime all over his clothes. He enters tracking muddy footprints all over your carpet and floors and then sits leaving a dirty greasy imprint on your furniture. Because he feels he can this man now decides to help himself to the total exploration of your private world. He proceeds to explore your home looking in every drawer, cabinet, nook and cranny helping himself to whatever he finds inside. He raids your fridge and empties your bank account all while telling you how sweet you are and how much he cares for you. Finally he helps himself to a gift that you posses which is one of a kind and can only be given once in a lifetime taking it as a trophy and possession which he treats with disregard and disdain. On the way out he grabs your diary or journal if you have one, takes a few quick pictures of you naked and vulnerable and then hits the road with a promise to come back the next time he needs to use a woman.
No? Hell NO! (Please pardon my language), I know this is what all of you women are saying to yourselves. You must be crazy to think I would let any man treat me this way! So why do you? The picture I have just painted is exactly what a man does to you sexually, mentally and emotionally every time he takes from you what does not belong to him which is your body and your spirit. Your body and your spirit are the most valuable possessions you have and they can never be replaced. When you allow a man to have sex with you exclusive of marriage you surrender to him the most personal and private part of who you are!
Unlike men, women cannot and do not separate the act of sex from their spirit and emotions. A woman is designed by God to be relational and connected emotionally to her world and those in it. What motivates men and women sexually is as different as their physical attributes. A man who will engage in sexual exchange with a woman outside of marriage telling her how much he cares for and loves her will lie about other things as well. When a man takes from a woman that preious gift of her purity and wholeness as a woman without being committed to her in marriage he is a thief of the highest order! How can I say this? I can say it with total confidence because I am a reformed thief myself. A woman’s personal value is revealed in its most sacred form by her spirit, her purity and her emotional connection through relationships. The gift of her purity, her body and her inner most being as a woman should be reserved for a man who is worthy and capable of receiving it.
What many women today who allow men to take this wonderful and special gift, this sacred part of them without the commitment of marriage and proper relationship fail to understand is that such a man is not worthy of her if he is willing to take it. I can assure you that this man is already engaged in sexual immorality and impurity or he would never presume to take something he knows does not belong to him. In fact his willingness to take this precious gift from you without being the proper recipient demonstrates his lack of self control and the impurity of his thought process. I will make another bold statement here and suggest that he is probably practicing for the event through the immorality and sexual impurity of pornography and masturbation. So he really does have mud and grime all over him in the spiritual and emotional sense. When you engage in sexual exchange with a man out of marriage he only sees the physical part of you which he desires. He enjoys your body because it satisfies his flesh and carnal nature. For a woman she is exposing herself to the very core of who she is. She is attached to all of the emotion, feelings, spiritual essence and worth of herself as a human being. This is the same as a man coming into your home and helping himself to the exploration of your private and personal life without regard for you as a person.
I don’t care how much you think he cares for you or how much he tells you he loves you because the very fact he will take from you what does not truly belong to him makes him a liar. A man is only worthy of you and the gift of your body and purity when he is also committed to you in marriage and a life long relationship which honors, cherishes and respects you for who and what you are! When a man takes this precious gift from you without that commitment he also takes with him a part of you he will always posses even if you later marry another man. He takes the memory of your body, the experience of sexual lust and carnal fulfillment he experienced with you. He takes a portion of you emotionally and keeps that part of your purity you gave up to him. He steals from you the pure memories of that exchange which should have been reserved for your husband and the man worthy of receiving it. He takes with him the ability to use you as a part of his future fantasies and satisfaction in times when he fulfills his sexual desires through self gratification and self indulged lust. It is the same as if he had taken pictures of you naked or during sexual exchange. Worst of all you will always bear the memories of him and what he took from you.
If youwould never allow a man to do the things I described above in the scenario about your home, how could you allow him to take from you that which is irreplaceable and so precious that you can only truly give it in its purist form once? I am talking about virginity for young women who still have it and if not the purity that you still posses as a part of your spirit and being. There is a thing called secondary virginity and it is a concept based on self-worth, not self-esteem. Self-esteem I believe is a dangerous concept because it bases our perceived worth and value on external sources. Self-esteem is based on how others view us and perceive our value and qualities. Self-worth is an expression of who we are as a creation of God and the inherent value we posses as one created in His image.
For those women here who have engaged in sexual exchange with a man outside of marriage and have experienced the heartbreak of abortion only to return and engage with that same man in more sexual exchange need to get a wake up call. The fact that he got you pregnant and put you in the position of making such an awful and life changing “choice” should tell you something about him and his motives. The fact the same man is willing to continue in the act of sex with you after an abortion should serve as a 100 foot tall flashing neon sign about him as man and his true character and should cause you to pause and question what you are doing. The truth is that he is still there, still engaging in sexual immorality with you because it is easy and free. He didn’t have to experience the pain and humiliation of an abortion or the emotional devastation it left in your soul. Obviously because your body still works and you are willing to let him continue indulging himself he has no reason to change or change the way he sees or treats you. For him it is of little consequence if he gets you pregnant again as long as he is satisfied sexually.
Ladies let me say to you, YOU ARE WORTH THE WAIT! You are intrinsically valuable because you were created and given life by God. You don’t need a man to give you value or to assure you of the value you posses. If you do you are seeking self-esteem and that leaves you vulnerable to the manner in which it is given. Your purity, your spirit, your emotional, mental and physical well being are the most precious things you have and the gift of yourself to another person is of greater value and worth than anything the world posses or offers. Wait for a man who is worthy of you. Wait for the man who will honor and cherish the gifts you have for him. Wait for a man who will wait for you. Wait for a man who demonstrates his love for you through self-control and a demonstration of his own self-worth based on his relationship with the God who created him. A man’s true value and strength are summed up through the DNA of his character moral wholeness. When that man enters your life you will know that he is worthy of you, worthy of receiving the gift of your love, your body, your spirit and your emotional security. He won’t track mud and grime into your life, or leave disgusting imprints of his presence. He won’t take you for granted or take from you that which he has no claim to. Most of all he will ive. He will give more than he takes and give to you the security, joy, peace and passion of a man who understands and values your worth, as well as, his own!