Hun, I realize that as far as our culture goes, there is a culturally-defined responsibility--& then there is Biblical responsibility. And they are vastly different.
I had 3 abs long ago, so I am in no position to judge in that regard. That said, I've had a lot of time to think long & hard on my past choices, & I can honestly say they were not the best choices I could've made. Please let me explain.
I thought that sex outside of marriage would solve some things for me: loneliness, a feeling of not being loved, & I wanted to have fun--& it's forbidden in my faith...but I did it anyways....In my mind long ago, to be responsible--as our culture defines it then & now--is to use contraceptives to prevent conception. But from a Biblical standpoint, that is not responsibility. In a Biblical sense, taking responsibility involves abstaining from sex until it's performed in a covenant marriage with my husband. It was intended so -- not to kill any "fun" I would have in life, but rather to spare me the problems associated with it when it occurs outside God's parameters for it. And there are many unpleasant consequences of it when it occurs outside His bounds for it: I speak from experience not just as a woman who'd had abortion in her past, but also as a sexual abuse survivor. There are so many things we women put ourselves at risk for when we choose to disobey God & pursue sex outside His boundaries for it:
Consider the following:
- Unplanned pregnancy
- STDs, which can impair quality of life--impose infertility--or even end life (HIV & AIDS)
- PASS (Nobody told me about this--not back in the 1980s)
- Broken hearts
- Lives lived in deception
- Running from ourselves & God -- Denial
- Faith Corrupted -- Even Destroyed
- Suicide (& before you say no to this one, I personally know someone I was prepared to call the police to intervene on because she'd previously attempted suicide as the result of an ab, & she wanted to do it again...)
- Inability to connect & be intimate, commit, to trust
- Loss of self
- Loss of self-esteem
- Inability later on to connect properly with children
- Abortion
- Adoption & giving up a child--wondering about a life lost as a parent with that child vs a better life with that child...
- Singleparenthood--struggling alone with little to no relief to raise a child & trying to fill the shoes of a father as well as a mother
- A child without the blessing of a loving & caring & involved father in his/her life to protect, guide, & provide for him/her...
There is just so much to consider with just that choice...And it IS life-altering...For the worse...
I got pregnant the first time because my birth control failed. And after the ab, I wasn't always using birth control. I took risks--just as you are doing now. I thought I was respecting my body by using birth control, but you know what, hun? In the Bible, your body is a temple holy to God, & whenever you or anyone else engages in sex outside the parameters for which God had established it for maximum intimacy & effect, we defile our bodies: not only do we sin against God, ut we sin against our own bodies. His reasons for establishing it so was that we would never have to find ourselves in a position to one day say, "I did the best I could under the circumstances..." The reality is that I never would've made those decisions out of fear, shame, & guilt if I'd listened to God.
I'm not at all trying to put you down. I've had 3 abs, let me reiterate that. But I'm asking you to seriously think about things. The choice to have sex brought me only ruination & despair. I don't know your faith, but I am asking you to consider this: have you considered that in choosing to have sex premaritally, you are chosing to use your freedom to take away your freedom? The cultural ethos made it sound like sex would be liberating...But...
Where were all of those voices that spoke loudly so as to be heard & tell me that sex would free me? What I got was bondage--not freedom...
- I am healing --Praise be to God on that -- but I still have PASS issues to deal with...
- If I had not engaged in premarital sex, I could've focused on my college education without struggling with depression & an eating disorder...
- I would've honored God with my life & my body.
- I wouldn't have had to experience the abandonment of people I thought would be there for me. Reality hit hard on that one.
- I wouldn't have memories of a broken relationship, lost children, & a broken heart to go with it all.
- I wouldn't have been staring at my tub wishing I could do myself in long ago (I no longer have that, but I did back in 2000).
- I wouldn't have had to go on antidepressants.
- I wouldn't have lost the weight that I did (I hit 91# in college, & I was considered borderline anorexic).
- My spiritual, emotional, physical, & mental well-being would've been intact rather than shot post-ab.
- I'd have been freer to focus on REAL love, & not lust posing as love--& finding REAL men who respected me--not viewed me as a free sex participant at their convenience. And then dumped me when it was no longer convenient...
God is LOVE, hun, & He wants you to experience REAL love to the fullest...Give Him a chance to show you...Challenge Him to show you REAL love...And seek Him out in this. He will NOT disappoint you...(((((((melly)))))))
There is just so much to consider in this. Please...Think about this, hun...
LO