I had an abortion in 1988... and I have learnt you don't know all the answers- but you can meet the one who does.


Hello my little child, it’s good to see you again.
Come bring me all your problems, your trials and your pain.
You say “Father forgive me- I sent my baby into heaven?”
Well then I forgive you- seventy times seven.

You say “How can you forgive me for killing my own kid?”
And I say “Because you’re sorry, I love you, and I died for what you did”.
You say “But how can I forgive myself, and those around me too?”
I say “You’re asking about step 77 but you’re only at step two.”

So come and get to know me, my arms are open wide.
I have no room for “perfect” people with their selfish pride.
My table is for the broken, the helpless and the few.
The narrow road is long and winding- won’t you come and join me too?

Some days there will be sunshine and some days it will rain-
Only in eternity will complete love and peace reign.
Although you are forgiven you may never feel the same,
But you are not a failure- only human, with your pain.

And I just bet you’re wondering what your little baby might say?
Well I can tell you that; I see her every day!
She says “It’s ok Mummy, I am where the flowers grow.
One day you’ll be here too… and I forgave you years ago.”

As much as there was peace and comfort in knowing my "God" would understand and accept me nonetheless as well as forgive me, I find the hardest thing in forgiving myself and not feeling so guilty. My abortion was five weeks ago today, but I'm just now really feeling the affects because I threw myself into work due to it being our busiest time of the year. I don't know if that was a blessing or curse because I wasn't letting myself grieve. I had tunnel vision and purposefully put my mental/emotional blinders so that I could get through working during Christmas at a dog kennel. This last week has really been raw for me because I've gotten more time away from work and with not working the crazy schedule anymore my mind and my heart automatically go there. I feel like I've stunted the healing process and am just now fully able to deal with it and begin on the healing process. Is that something that is common? I don't want to say normal because every woman's "normal" is different, but I feel so vulnerable and raw along with having a million and one thoughts running through my mind along with every emotion on the spectrum going haywire and nowhere to go with them.

So true Butterflyeyes! I did exactly the same ting as you except for eight years- I felt nothing and buried myself in study and work so that I was too busy to be in touch with my emotions.. the grief didn't come till 1996... long slow journey but at least we still are on the road. Blessings xx