I'm new on here, I need help and answers. I'm tying to understand why I can't completely be ok. I cast my cares on God, however why doesn't that work. Sometimes casting my cares feels like throwing them away until they cme back. why is it that one day i'm fine, and feel healed but the next i dnt want to get out the bed. I know God is with me. I just find myself looking for a comfort place or a healing that's real.

my abortion was a year ago. i wanted my baby, but my parents didn't. they told me that i had to have an abortion or get out of the house. they begun supporting me but changed cuz they didn't want to risk their reputation. i allowed them to get in my mind and take advantage. i forgive my parents. but why do i forgive them but am still so mad at them for that? I forgive them, but hold against them betraying me when they said they'd have my back. the father, still my boyfriend, said that he would be there to help me thru this, but he seems to get impatient that im not making much progress as fast as he think i should.

I pray, do my best to keep a positive mind, i love me, and forgive myself and others involved. what am i doing wrong to keep being sad? Having these depressed attacks? What's wrong with me or doing wrong?
[script removed]

Abortion unfortunately has no quick fix to it, hun. Trust me: I've been there. I buried my true feelings, & I was convinced that since it wasn't bothering me at that moment in time that I must've put it behind me & moved on. Nothing could be farther from the truth. It wasn't until Jan 00 when I found out that my 2nd ab dad was finally marrying (& planning on having 2 kids--we almost had 2 ourselves, but he didn't want them then...), that I just fell apart....I was devasted, & THAT after I'd already been happily married myself for almost 12 yrs up to that point!! I felt so angry...So betrayed....I was beside myself! I simply couldn't control it!!! I felt as if a bomb that'd been inside me had just gone off & there was NO containing it! It was endless grief...I would cry at the drop of a hat. There were days when I felt like I just couldn't face living, & I would stare at our bathtub having suicidal thoughts. Counseling helped. Talking helped. Coming here & to other women online about the pain helped. But God is the Ultimate Healer. It wasn't til I went in & did the F&SF Post-Ab Study that I started to really make headway. God convicted me, & He brought about healing, cutting thru the bull I wasn't willing to see about myself. Yes, my parents & my ab dads had to accept their own responsibility for the parts they'd played in that part of my past, but...I had to accept my own as well. And the reality is that I was weak...I wasn't strong enough to stand up for my children back then. I felt abandoned, & I, too, was threatened with being "on my own" if I didn't acquiesce...Today my mom will deny she had anything to do with that part of my past...She will tell me to accept my own responsibility. I have. In my view though, she can't deal with herself as well. It is a painful reality for many to deal with.

Don't give up. I have found in that struggle that it takes a while. Take as long as you need. Healing doesn't come on someone else's timetable...I'd say that from start to finish, when I finally began to confront that part of my past, it took 7 yrs...But the time when I'd had my abs to that time of healing took almost 25 yrs...You are confronting it now. That is good. I don't doubt your healing will be faster than mine was since you are dealing with it NOW...Trust me when I say this: in your struggles, you can still choose: You can cleave to Christ in the storm & allow Him to walk with you, or you can choose to push Him away & go it alone--even abandoning Him altogether. It is a choice still...Remember His words to us: "Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you..."

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Psalm 56:8
Record my lament; list my tears on your scroll — are they not in your record?

Isaiah 61 NIV
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+61&version=NIV

2 Corinthians 1 NIV: The God of All Comfort

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,

4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

5 For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer.

7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.

9 Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.

10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our[a] behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

2 Corinthians 4 NIV

7 But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair;

9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.

10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.

11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.

12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.


Rich Mullins: Hold Me Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwT4-X6jXuU

Jars of Clay: Needful Hands
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1wCJ1RgPS4

Stuart Townsend: In Christ Alone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8welVgKX8Qo

Dear Little One, and Others

I greatly appreciate your response. I have taken your advice in going to see a counselor. I have an appointment on Wednesday. I am so excited and looking forward to it. If you dont mind me asking, Did you and your husband handle this together? I know its a struggle, but were you able to make it out of this as a couple? Still married? The guy I am currently with was the father of this child. We are struggling so much. Often, trying to deal with this threatens our three year relationship. When it comes to the abortion he says that he okay. However, when it comes down to my difficult down days, he seems to not know what else to say, and get frustrated. I feel that I should truly be able to talk to him, and we actually "Do this together". But now I barely talk to him, and give him a lil update on whats going on or how I feel, which really drives me Crazy.

I have always known to cast my cares on God, I want to walk with him. But sometimes after praying and accepting God's help, it still feels like I'm so alone.

P.S I Congratulate you on your Overcome of your situation.

I didn't marry either of my 2 ab dads, hun.  I left the first one for the 2nd one...The first one wanted to marry me, but I didn't love him so as to marry him.  I think I was more in love with the idea of getting married & having a wedding, but the reality is that I couldn't picture myself actually married to that man.  The 2nd ab dad was -- the happiest I'd been in my life up to that point -- & the most painful as well...I loved him & wanted to marry him, but it wasn't meant to be. 

The man that I married has been with me thru the military, thru dealing with healing from past abuse in my family, thru PASS, & he continues to be there with me in keeping with our wedding vows of long ago, & we've already been married 21+ yrs now.  It was difficult for him to deal w/ the PASS with me, & I think he even resented it because it brought up old feelings for one of my ab dads.  And he really didn't know what to say as well...I think he also felt resentful in a way because he felt that we were both having to deal with the aftermath of something he felt he didn't cause, & that my ab dad who was involved wasn't suffering in the least for it.  I have to admit, I felt that anger as well for similar reasons...But we have remained open about things...And that is key:  you need to communicate as best as you can, & so does he. 

I found a Christian counselor who helped me talk & get things out.  It was hard.  But I appreciate the fact that he didn't minimize nor dismiss my whole abortion experience.  I'd gone at one point to see a secular counselor for the initial visit, & after that, I decided not to see her again.  I felt like she dismissed the whole abortion experience as irrelevant to my pain at that time.  I also found another counselor whom I'd seen for a short time, but I felt like this person was pushing me to heal on her timetable, making me feel like I was a paycheck to her at each visit, & I also felt judged by her.  So with that, I returned to the Christian counselor who'd been helpful.