I have been having an affair for the last 16 months. My husband found out about the affair 6 months ago. We slowed down and stopped the affair for a very short time after it was discovered.

The week before Thanksgiving I saw my other man 4 times, and one of those times I got pregnant. I am so torn about this baby. I truly love this OM and would love to start a life with him, but not this way. I don't want to be thrown into a life together.

My husband knows I am pregnant and we are getting a divorce, and moving on. I told him just a few days ago, but he already had suspicions about it, so all I did was confirm them. I know that this is not my husbands child, there is no doubt.

I have been seriously thinking of aborting this child. I have my first appt next Wednesday, one or 2 days after that I should start the process of medical abortion.

I hate what I've done. I guess this is the ultimate punishment for my infidelity, but I am so scared, and depressed. I want this child so badly. I just don't know about the situation it would be born into. My OM has 2 boys that are struggling with their father not being in their life as much since he moved out, and I also have a 3 yr old daughter. I spend every minute with her, and I am not prepared to lose any of that time.

I am also having to put my 8 yr old dog down next Monday. So in one week I will lose my dog and my unborn child. I have no insurance and no job. I'll be starting from scratch on my own, and not sure where I'll live or work. These next 2 weeks are a big deal, and I have a lot to do.

I want this baby and will really be upset losing it, but it feels like it the right thing to do. My OM is supportive in either decision, and we both keep going back and forth on what is the best thing to do. I am so lost, and sad. I want to be able to make it on my own first and I just don't know how that's possible if I have this child. But I already love this little one so much....

Hello mrsclark, welcome to Safehaven.
I want you to know I read your post yesterday and have been thinking about you and your present situation. I must disagree with you one point. I do not believe your pregnancy to be the ultimate punishment for your infidelity to your husband. Pregnancy is the natural and expected consequence of sexual intercourse, not pusishment at all. It may feel like punishment at this moment due to the context of sexual relationship.

I will be straightforward with my thoughts, and I would like you to know that I have personally experienced abortion in my past. At this point you have three choices before you. You can choose to parent your baby, you an choose to give birth and allow someone else to parent your baby, or you can choose abortion. Each of these choices has lifelong consequences. Your life has already been changed by this pregnancy and it cannot be undone. Abortion is an irrevocable decision. You have time to think this through. I encourage you to consider the lifelong consequences deeply and even to talk a out to someone who is not emotionally involved. Sometimes our feelings are not our best compass for navigating life. Early pregnancy is awash with hormonal changes in your body that affect you emotionally and physically. Please take time to learn about each alternative before you. None of knows the future. None of knows what all we are able to do until we try.

I will be thinking of you and praying for you as you work through this challenging time in your life. I hope you return and post no matter how you work it through.
Blessings, nancy

Thank you Nancy for that reply. I went ahead and had the med. ab. I went to planned parenthood on Friday, and took the pill. The at home part on completed on NYE. The father of the baby came over to care for me during the ab.

I am very sad today. I do not know if I did the right thing. I'm not sure if I ever would of come to the right answer on what to do. I feel like the abortion was the best thing for everyone except me. I loved that baby, and I am so sorry for getting pregnant in that situation. I never thought I would be there, then there I was.

My husband and I are finished, not legally yet, but we are headed that route. I now need to establish myself on my own for myself and well as my daughter. Being pregnant made me realize how much I want to have another baby. I want to get things settled first, and hopefully into my own place. I would love to have a real relationship with the father of the ab baby, but I'm just trying to take it a day at a time.

I am filled with relief that it is finally done, but also sadness. I go back on the 21st to make sure the abortion worked, and I really hope so because I do not want to go through the D & C too.

I know this child is in heaven, and I hope he forgives me for what I did. The worst part of all this is the not ever knowing. I always felt it was a boy, but I just wont know what he'd be like. Would he be a musician like his dad, or an athlete like me? Would he have my nose or his dads? All these little things I wish I could get the answers to. I know they'll haunt me for a long time.

I hope to have another baby some time soon, when things aren't so crazy and we can be happy about the pregnancy instead of scared. We did talk, and if there is another accident (I am now on birth control, so I pray not) but we will have the baby. I am not going to do that again.