I just found out I'm pregnant. Nobody wants this baby. Not my boyfriend, not my family...they all think it is best for my career if I have the abortion. Problem is I ignored this for three months now...I am just over three months along. I'm really scared.

Just to add. I'm 25. I'm scared of the abortion procedure. I'm scared of losing the only child I may ever get. I'm scared of keeping this baby. I'm scared of losing it. I don't really know what to do. Money is not an issue really. I'm an attorney. But ... I don't know. I'm sounding really stupid aren't I?

Hi Essuie

You know what, whether a woman is 15 or 25 or 35 or 45, we are all scared when we first find out we are pregnant.  That is because it is a big deal to be one who carries new life. 

In your first post you said nobody wants this baby and you went on to list those who think it best for you not to give birth at this point in your life.  I noticed you did not say what you wanted.  No one else with live with this decision the way you will.  As an attorney, have you armed yourself with the facts, fetal development, abortion procedures, symptoms of post abortion syndrome, the option of adoption?  Essuie, you do not need to please the other people in your life.  You are intelligent, you know to do things.  Find out the facts, examine your own heart, why have you been ignoring your pregnancy?  If you want to talk to someone in person who is outside of the family/emotional circle check out www.pregnancycenters.org to find a resource center near you.  The fear, emotional turmoil and ambivalence are a normal aspect of pregnancy.  Please do not let emotion rule the day a decision with livelong consequences.

Here is quote from Lisha who posted here:

"I am not dying or being faced with a life threatening illness its just a REALLY REALLY hard decision."

I will be thinking of you and praying for you essuie.

Nancy

Hi Nancy,

Thank you for your reply. You're right. I didn't say what I want, because I'm not sure. One reason is my own selfish attitude — I'm not sure how I would get by towing a baby with me. That makes me feel horrible reading what I just wrote. Monetarily I can handle it, but I don't want a nanny raising my child, which is ultimately what would happen. Should I consider adoption? I don't know. Then I would always wonder where my baby is and if he/she is being taken care of.

So I am unsure what to do. The attorney part of me is trying to be rational and base my "argument" on facts. Fact: I'm pregnant. Fact: BF wants me to get rid of it. Fact: even my mum thinks it's a good idea to abort citing that I'd be a "horrible mother." Fact: I have the money to do this on my own.

Blah blah blah. But what do you do when emotions get in the way of facts? I've known about this pregnancy for six weeks. SIX. That's another fact. I found out when I was about six weeks along by my calculations. I have gone to the doctor and just am on the fence whether to keep this pregnancy or not.

Ugh. Help.

Essuie,
I don't think any of us knows for ourselves, let alone for anyone else, what kind of parent we will be until we begin.  As for a nanny raising your baby, think about this.  Whoever raises a child without help? No one!  Teachers, babysitters, grandparents, neighbors, friends, we all get help.  If you can afford a nanny that would be awesome for your child.  You will always be the mom, no matter what, forever.  Your heart and your child's heart are bound forever no matter what.  Even with that said, adoption is a gift beyond measure, the gift of life twice, giving birth and giving life to another family.  Ok, those are my opinions.

Are you familia.r with fetal development?  That is some facts to check out, www.justthefacts.org can be a place to start.  If you are thinking abortion, realize that second trimester abortions are a more complicated procedure, you may want to put those facts on the table for the attorney in you.

As we never do know the future, your comment that this may be your only opportunity is also something to bear in mind.  Sometimes the persuasion to have an abortion is that there will be a next time.  For some there is a next time and for some there is not.  A friend of mine had an abortion at 16 and now here she is approaching 50 with no other children. 

Do you ever do this exercise when making a decision, take paper and write down the alternatives.  Under each alternative write down the pros and cons of each one.  Sometimes seeing it on paper makes the right choice more obvious that only going over it in your head.

Nancy

ps I won't be able to respond any more today because I have to attend to personal things and go to work.  I will be thinking of you and praying for you in this challenging time.  I will check in again tomorrow.

Wow. That web site is amazing. Truly. I have no words right now. I'm going to go take a walk. I listened to the heartbeat files....I don't know what to do. I didn't realize all this. I'm not knowledgeable on this subject at all. I have a lot of book learning but not much on this subject....

essuie,


Hi, I'm Patty. I had an abortion at 16 in 1978. I was a kid and scared to death. My mom mostly wanted the abortion and I fell into her demands. I regret it, the abortion cause major health issues including Post Abortion Syndrome and I developed bipolar disorder as a result of not knowing how to cope. I tried to drink my pain away and I ended up an Alcoholic this time is the third time in being dry. Now that I have watched my brother die from drinking I made the right choice of not drinking anymore. It took three years after my abortion to have children and I realized that the first child was a replacement baby. It did not replace the one that I aborted. I will pray for you.


Patty

Hi Patty,

I'm sorry to hear you had to go through all that. I didn't realize the lasting effects. I really didn't. I know basically nothing about this and with all my learning in law school, I feel really ignorant right now. They say ignorance is bliss. Yeah right. Doesn't seem like that to me.

I had a doctor's appt tomorrow to talk about my options. And to get a scan. I'm still sitting on the fence with this.

essuie,

Under meet the staff is Mary Comm, she is the founder and former director of Safe Haven. She has written the book Secret Sin When God's People Choose Abortion. I recently found the book and began reading. Hosea 4:6 "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge." That pretty much sums it up. We destroyed the life of one of God's children. It made me feel like King Herod that killed all the new borns and children under two when he learned about Jesus's birth

I found Safe Haven back in 2002, my daughter was pregnant with my first grandchild. It hit me really hard because this time I could not walk away from her being pregnant. I had aways walked away from pregnant women and new borns, I would go to my car and cry. I did round two of dealing with what I did, I thought I could handle it and soon I found Safe Haven.

For the anniversary of 31 years I choose Psalm 106:37," They sacrificed their sons and their daughters to demons."

Check out theses sites before you decide: Priests for Life, Elliot Institute, Our Midst Ministries (Mary's) and Rachel's Vineyard founded by Dr. Theresa Burke

I will keep you, the father and your little one in prayer. A child is a gift from God.

Patty

Hi again,

I went to the doctor yesterday and received some shocking news. I'm having twins. And the doctor let me see the screen...it was so beautiful. They are both in there. It made it so real....

Twins....

I'm in shock....

boyfriend broke up with me because I went to the doctor. He said if I was going to have an ab, there was no point in going. But i went. I wanted to see for myself before I made the appt....

There are two heartbeats.....TWO.....

I need some serious help and encouragement here. I can't do this. I can't get rid of them. They are mine. given to me.

Oh, and I'm much further along than I thought... I didn't think I was that far along. But babies are healthy though, the doctor said.

essuie,

Congrats, congrats. I am so tickled about the twins. We can be here with help, the prayer kind. Pregnancy crisis center can help with care givers and baby items. If you have a Church they will help. Hopefuly when you can't touch your toes, perhaps your family will help. If there is teenagers they will fall in love with the two. If you need us with anything, please ask and we will see what we can do. Have you thought about names? When are you due? A double miracle. Cyber hug.


Patty

oooooo essuie, twins!!! What a special gift!!! are so special you got the two for one deal!!! I have to say that brought a smile to my face. So what did the doc tell you to do? start taking vitamins? When is your next appointment? I am glad you had the opportunity to see the scan, amazing isn't it? do you have any friends or co-workers who are single moms? So I ask a lot of questions. only one more, I have been wondering if you believe in God? I happy to know someone who is blessed with twins.

Thanks. I"m still in shock but I know I'm not giving them up now. I just can't. I'm due around April 16 of next year. Please don't hate me...I didn't realize I was that far along. Doctor said I'm around 15 weeks. I hadn't realized I'd missed that many periods...I knew I was pregnant but didn't pay attention until recently... I feel so horrible....

The doctor said I had to eat better and take vitamins. Until yesterday, my diet consisted of maybe some yogurt, a couple of cheese puffs and coffee. (I'm really small). I feel so horrible. I've been starving my babies. But the doctor said they are healthy and strong but I have to shape up.

I don't know any single moms...and I don't go to church. So I unno....

Money really isn't an issue, but the dad already bailed and I'm scared to death of raising one little person much more two!!

I haven't thought about names yet...I'm still getting used to the idea of future motherhood...much less names. While my due date is April 16, I'm a really small person (I weighed only 105 pounds before I got pg...) and they'll likely come early the doc said. Does anybody know how early? I was too shocked to ask any questions.

When do they start moving? Or shall I say when do I "feel" them move because on the scan they were moving.

Is this the appropriate place to post now? I mean, can I still talk here? I really could use the support and I feel like I've "bonded" here...thank you all so much for your support....

April is a great month to be born! I should know...my birthday is 4/5. Since with a first pregnancy you are not familiar with the feeling of the babies moving, I think most women begin to realize what they are feeling around 16 weeks or so. I would think you would feel it soon. It feels like little flutters. You can continue to post here, I think that will be fine. I will have a word with the site administrator to see if she would like us to carry on our conversations on a different board. We can use the chat room sometimes if you like, we will just have to arrange a mutually agreeable time. Guess you need a trip to the grocery store to get you some healthy food!

essuie,

You should start feeling little movements as Nancy said, usually around 17-20 weeks. The surfactant for lung development starts around 25 weeks. All Drs. are different as to weeks for early delivery around 36 weeks depending on many things. I only gained gained 40 pounds with the last child. You have to eat all the things your have avoided. There are many sites for the fetal development and weekly reminders of develpoment for the week. You can be added to the congrats mailers for diapers, coupons, sales, ect. Keep us updated. Are you hoping for one of each? lol

Patty

Wow, so close to feeling movements then. I'm still in shock. I wake up in the middle of the night panicking that in April my whole life will totally change. Well, I guess it already has. Honestly, trying to eat is really turning out to be hard. I must admit I'm a bit of a fanatic when it comes to my weight and am not used to consuming more than a few bites of food a day. This is really hard for me. But I'm trying. And doing better at it than I thought I would.

And yeah, I'm honestly hoping for one of each. I was thinking of Peyton for a girl and I haven't decided on a boys' name yet.

Anyway, thought I'd throw in a quick update or two. I've got to get to work to prepare for a case next week.

By the way, I'm Sarah. Essuie is a screen name I came up with when I was panicking about not going through with the pg. So yeah, I'm Sarah.