i am 5 weeks pregnant and have 2 young children. my husband and i agree that 2 children are enough and have decided to abort this pregnancy. i am so alone because i have a very close knit family who would never understand our decision, so i cant tell them. i need their love and support so badly but i know they would be so upset and make this process so much harder. i myself am not 100% sure i want this but i know what an impact it will have, moving to a bigger place, getting new car, have to get a job(i am a stay at home mom and we a barely making it with one income). My brain tells me this is best for my family but my heart aches knowing that i am choosing that their brother or sister does not get to live. i have always been prochoice but i dont know if i can go through with this.

really scared,

Welcome to Safe Haven. I was 16 when my parents made me have an abortion the year was 1978. In the last 6 months I have another disease that I think could be related to my abortion. I had developed bipolar disorder and now I have Hashimoto's disease, the Endocrinologist said that I have had the Hashimoto's disease for at least two years, I have back tracked it to perhaps four years. In addtion I also have a Menopause disorder and a Vitamin D Deficiency. I went thru 7 Doctor's and they kept telling me there was nothing wrong, the jerks. The medication I took to control some of the bipolar symptoms has caused a goiter, (enlarged thryoid). My thyroid is 10 percent destroyed and my body will continue to destroy the thyroid. The medication that I have to take is only going to replace the hormones that the thyroid is not producing and I will be on the drugs the rest of my life. My insurance does not cover the drugs because they are natural drugs. I know that the abortion caused depression and was left untreated until 1992 when I fought with the Dr's to get the right diagnosis. They tried to tell me that I had Schizophrenia due to the nightmares and crying babies that I heard, I actual thought I was going nuts. A Lady at the pregnancy crisis center helped me with the turmoil of the abortion and some of the problems with Post Abortion Syndrome went away. God's forgiveness and his healing touch helped me to become productive again.

I have found that the drop in progesterone levels can cause depression, this I read in a book the Endocrinologist gave me in March of this year. They call it post-partum depression. So I do believe that my depression after the abortion that was left untreated not by me. I also found that due to the fact that my disorder was not treated for a long time that I might have suffered some brain damage. I wanted help they just didn't see the relationship between the self destruction and the abortion. My children suffered along with me and I raise me three children on my own. Yes, it was ruff. Was the abortion worth it, no.

I have found many resources on the internet that has validated the bipolar and thyroid disorders. I was in my height of glory when I read in Forbidden Grief by Theresa Burke and David Reardon on page 47 that the bipolar could be related to the abortion. Theresa Burke is the founder of Rachel's Vineyard, a post abortion healing ministry and David Reardon is the founder of Elliot Institute they are both on the web.

Please do some research on the internet about other women that have has similar problems as I have had. I will be praying for you. I named my aborted daughter, Heather.


Patty