I am a 32yr old mother of a 3.5yr old and an 11 month old and I now find myself faced with an unwanted pregnancy. It took 6 yrs to conceive my first child and it's killing me to face this now.

My second pregnancy was extremely difficult, the last trimester especially, and my daughter ended up being taken by c-section for fear of exposing her to the virus I had contracted as it would have been fatal to the baby. Eleven months later and I'm still struggling to recover from the whole thing.

When the baby was 6mos my husband and I decided we did not want to risk another pregnancy...fearing for my health and who would look after my babies if I wasn't able to. My husband met with our doctor and arranged to have a vasectomy....unfortunately he wasn't able to get an appointment until 6mos later and we are still a month away from it. Yesterday I gave in and took a home test because I couldn't deny the symptoms anymore.

My husband and I are in agreement that we cannot move forward with this pregnancy. If I was healthy, or if our children were a bit older, it might be possible but with our current circumstances neither of us feels this would be fair to our family. Logically, termination is the right option. Logic isn't making this any easier though.

If feels like a cruel joke to be facing this after all those years of trying anything and everything to conceive our first child.

SS I first want to say that I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation. I pray God's peace over you at this moment, as you read this, that you would have clarity in this time of turmoil.

It's difficult to understand all the complexities of your situation by reading just a short bit on a message board. But what I do get from your post is your frustration, your anxiety and your confusion. God is not a God of confusion, or cruel jokes; He is a loving and compassionate God who knows your situation.

I would STRONGLY suggest that you seek out the help of a crisis pregnancy center near you, and find someone who is trained to help you uncover all of your resources before you make a firm commitment to end the life of this baby. I would also suggest that you include your husband in the conversations.

Although I have never experienced what you are going through at the moment, I have experienced an abortion. I can tell you from that experience that it was the worst decision I ever made in my life. My circumstances were far different from yours, but the anxiety caused by a surprise pregnancy is the same. It's life changing. It's devastating. I know you are wrestling with the issues you face regarding this pregnancy, but I assure you that there are other options available to you.

Please, listen to your heart. I believe that part of the reason you have reached out is because there is already a part of you that doesn't believe that abortion is the answer. Check out www.optionline.org and see if there is a crisis pregnancy center near you. Please don't seek out the counsel of agencies such as planned parenthood, as they will only encourage you to end the pregnancy without the benefit of exploration of options. There is also a wealth of information on this web site and I hope that you take the time to read through it.

One of the truths that you need to consider is that abortion is a permanent solution. There is no turning back. Living with the knowledge that you ended the life of your child is torment. And although there is healing from it through Jesus Christ, the memory of it never goes away. You have children already...imagine the impact on them to learn that their sibling was never given a chance.

I pray you find the counsel you need in this time, and that His love touches you and your family as you face this together.

Peace to you and your family. I hope that you will join us in chat sometime. There is NO JUDGMENT HERE!! Regardless of the decision you make, you are welcome here.

Peace

~Swede