I must be out of my mind being the first one, but ok. Here's my physical questions.

I can't deal with gyn stuff. Now, I saw the ob/gyn when I was pregnant and took care of myelf. But. . .to go for my regular visits and stuff, you're talking a lot of Xanax. I'm so out of it that I have to be driven there and home.

I panic. I shake. I dissociate.

Several monrings ago I woke up. My knees were bent, feet flat on the bed, knees ajar. I had a horrific panic attack - first one in years. I thought I was goin to die.

Anyone else deal with this? And if so, ideas?

Gracey,

I face this same issue.  I dread going to the gyn. and therefore have not for many years.  In fact, I had an appointment this past Tuesday afternoon and I made it til Tuesday morning and had to cancel.

It's horrible!!

Gracey,

This is actually a very common reaction to gynecological exams following an abortion experience.  It is triggers like this that take us back to that day that changed our life forever.  Sometimes it may take years, for others it is immediate.  I think it woud be interesting to hear and know how many women stop going to their annual exams because of the trigger they bring. 

Life does get better and the triggers do stop bringing so much pain of shame and guilt, once we find healing and forgiveness through Jesus Christ.  The advice I will always give is to seek healing through an Abortion Recovery study/program.  Once we are able to let go of the shame and guilt, the triggers we once experienced have no more control over our lives. 

Love,
Carla

Unfortunately I have stopped going for my annual exam.  It's been years and now I am scared out of my mind to go!!  I have actually stopped going to most doctors because of my abs.  The panic that fills me just thinking about making an appointment puts me out of commission for a while.  It's HORRIBLE!!  Wish I knew what to do!!      Debb

i have the same problem and won't go to see a gyn.. it's terrifying to think about and i'd freak out. it would bring back too many terrible memories and i'd attribute it to post-abortion syndrome, much like post-traumatic stress disorder. i don't want anyone down there.. i can't bear it. i'd rather die of a possible cancer from not going than to have a doctor down there again. having someone down there is like reliving the nightmare all over again.

I haven't been in years...about 15 now. I know it's wrong, I know I should go but I just can't. I have anxiety issues over going to any doctor. I have multiple orthopedic issues as well, and have had many surgeries. For me, even going to physical therapy is difficult. It started out as just the gyn stuff and it has now melted into every doctor appointment. There is a feeling of being out of control of my own body; that what the doctor is doing is something I cannot control...k..have to stop here because even thinking/writing about this is bringing on anxiety!

Until I posted to this site last Tuesday I didn't know other women out there are having the same problems I'm having. I have been holding on to this pain and guilt in secret and trying to behave "normal" for 10 years. I don't know why I had a melt down this past Father's day but luckily I seeked help and found this site. I also have been avoiding physical exams because I have such horrible feelings about my body and what was done to it. Just reading that I'm not alone in this is helping already.
I'm praying that all of us find the strength to release our guilt and pain and come to a place where we truly feel whole again.

hi all
thank you Gracey for posting this. i thought i was the only one. i went to the gyn wheni was 17 to get birthcontrol pills got the prescription and refused to ever go back. it was 2 years afer my abortion that i was forced into. i was with a differnet man (not my sons father) anyway i married this guy and finally went to the gyn to et the pill. opps i was already pregnant. she is 31 now. i actually went for my 6 week checkup and had a panic attack. went when i had a miscarriage. then went when i was pregnant again. that child is 29. i went for my 6 week check up for that baby when i was pregnant again 4 yeatrs later. i couldnt bring myself to go for any other reason than pregnancy. that child is now 25 i am still deciding on weather or nto to go for my 6 week check up for that baby. i figure if anything was wrong i would have realized it by now. even i cant be blind enough to not notice somethng that is wrong after 25 years. my husband doesnt understand why i do this and begs me all year to just go and get it over with. maybe but i have already gone through the changes so i cant get pregnant anymore. so i guess i dont have to go. i can rationalize anthing it seems.

marieelena