I am new to all of this so please be patient. I had an abortion several years ago and feel like it still shouldn’t hurt. I was a teenager when I got pregnant 16 to be exact my boyfriend at the time was 17 we both were still in high school living with our parents and had no real means of supporting ourselves. Despite all of that we still planned to have our baby. For was a little over 11weeks we didn’t tell our families and during that time things were good. We were scared but we had each other. We started to pick put names and all. He was so attentive to me and loving even at 17 however, after we told our families all the happiness inside of us seemed to slowly drain out. My mother pushed and pushed until I decided to go through with the abortion. His parents not better. My mom literally backed me and my child’s dad into a corner. She was mean and spiteful. She said hurtful things to both of us and lied to me about him. She made me think he wasn’t there for me she was constantly telling me he didn’t call when he did and she didn’t allow him to see me, meanwhile, leaving me to feel completely alone. When I was 13 weeks pregnant I arrived at the first appointment that was made for me but I didn’t go through with it but I was strong armed to make another appointment. The end result is that I killed my baby and in one day lost a part of my soul and my boyfriend. For months I cried myself to sleep daily and faced the next day like everything was fine like I was supposed to. After all these years I still think about our baby. On my due date I find myself still feeling down even after all this time. I randomly cry about this child. II wonder what my baby would look like, sound like, who he/she would take after me or her father. I feel like I made a huge mistake and that there is no one who understands the pain except for my baby’s dad. This has caused me to still be angry with my mom and yet I have to pretend that we are ok. My husband thinks I had a miscarriage and I feel like he would never understand me or anyone for that matter. No one knows how much this hurt at the time or that it still hurts now I so miss this child and I just want to stop hurting. I want to feel whole again.

Dear ItStillHurts,
Thank you for sharing your heart with us and thank you for responding to Emily in the UK, that was really sweet and compassionate of you to reach out to her when you are still grieving. I completely understand what you are feeling. You are not alone. I was 15 when I was coerced into abortion by my sister and friends and my Mom was there too, but she wasn't as forceful as your Mom was to you. It is now against the law to coerce and especially force a minor into getting an abortion, see: http://64304.inspyred.com/images/ParentsLetter.pdfhttp
I am praying for you, my sister, that the Lord would bring wholeness and complete healing to your heart. There is hope, nothing is impossible with our God. I believe the Holy Spirit wants me to share with you about a family of believers that I partner with to help in my own continued heart healing and to reach out to others. The name is Operation Outcry. You may already know about them, but they are like family to me, because they took me in when I was desparate for help and passionate about reaching others with the truth that abortion hurts women and families. Check them out at www.operationoutcry.org
Don't give up, we are here for you at Safe Haven.
Love and hugs,
Nona