I WISH I KNEW WHAT I KNOW NOW.I HAD AN ABORTION.THE PROCEDURE WASNT HARD AT ALL.IT WAS WAKING UP AN A PART OF MY HEART WAS GONE. IT HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO EMPTY INSIDE.WHEN YOUR COUNSELED THEY NEVER TALK ABOUT THIS SIDE OF AN ABORTION. THE PEOPLE I DID TALK TO ACTED LIKE IT WAS A ROUTINE CHECKUP ANDIM STARTING TO WONDER WHY THEY NEVER MENTIONED THIS HELL IM GOING THROUGH. I CAN TRULY SAY IF I KNEW THIS I WOULD HAVE RATHER WENT THROUGH WITH MY PREGNANCY INSPITE OF WHATEVER.I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT NOTHING BUT HOW I FAILED TO BE A MOTHER.MY BABY SHOULD HAVE BEEEN MY LIFE AND I SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN IT'S.SO I WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. I AM BROKENHEARTED AND EMPTY AND ALL I WISH I HAD WAS MY BABY. IF I HAD TO DO AGAIN I WOULDN'T NO MATTER WHAT. I PRAY MY BABY FORGIVE ME AND KNOW LOVE WAS THER AND WILL ALWAYS BE.

Dear Michelle,
Forgive us for not responding sooner. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. It is an honor that you would trust us to do that. I am grieving with you, my sister. You are not alone in your pain. If you haven't already done so, give your heart to Jesus, by just asking Him to come inside your heart to fill the void that is remaining there. There is forgiveness with Him, just for the asking. He is waiting for you to bring this hurt to Him, receive His forgiveness in your heart as an act of your free will and choose to forgive yourself. The healing process is not an easy one, but very much worth seeking out.
Check out our resource page for post abortion recovery support groups. You have taken a huge step already by sharing your testimony. Healing will happen layer by layer. Your baby never knew the evil of this world, and you will have peace in knowing that your baby would never condemn you, just as Jesus does not. You are so loved and highly favored of the Lord and precious in His sight. I know that may be hard for you to believe right now, but that is what He wanted me to tell you.
You are loved,
Doodlebug

Dear Michelle
it will get better i promise you that. it takes time. lots and lots of time. and no you will never foret the godawful feeling you had when you woke up. and you will never be the same person you were before all this happened. and sorry to say you will never forget. there maybe be days or even weeks when your child enters your mind then all of a sudden somthing so small sets you off again. i had mine 38 years ago and often wonder what type oof a person i wuld have grow into if that abortion didnt happen.
the reason the so called counslers dont tell you is because they work for the doctors and clinics that perform the abortions. they arent paid to tell you the aftermath of what you are going to go through. if they did then 99% of the women there would run out screaming and leavs so fast they couldnt be stopped. there is no money in them telling you the trught of the aftermath. look at the dr. who do these horrible abortions... they are all millioniars.. they dont make money saving babies only destroying lives. these so called counslers would get fired and loss there means of income if a person in what ever clinic they worked for found out that they told you about the aftermath. it is that simple a reason.. greed.
sincerly
marieelena
and do try to get to a chat room and talk to any of the women there. notone of them will ever say anything negative to you. they ahve all gone through the same thing and all have had the same idea going through their heads.. and if you are not christian dont worry. never bothered anyone. its not releigion that holds us together as sisters it is what we have done unforunetly that does. abortion is a most terrible thing.

Dear Marieelena,
With all due respect to your reaching out to others that are hurting, I need to comment on telling someone that not being a christian doesn't" bother" anyone. Without the love and forgiveness and relationship with our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, there is no heart healing after abortion or any other crisis situation in our lives. It is not about religion anyway, it is about a loving relationship that changes us inside and out and takes away the spirit of depression, death, suicide, abortion and all of the other evil spirits that drive us to do things against our Creator's perfect plan for our lives. Yes, abortion may be something that we have in common, but the love of Jesus is what holds us together and keeps us from self destruction. Please don't advise anyone that they don't have to worry about being a christian. This is a christian based website reaching out to those that are hurting. Time does not heal all wounds, if in doubt, visit a nursing home, where there are wounded hearts that have nothing but time, and the only way they would have peace or joy in their hearts is if they know our Lord Jesus personally.
God bless you for being willing to communicate with us openly with your heart,
Doodlebug

Hi Doodlebug
sorry i am not a born again christian,. i am Roman Catholic, so i guess i was born right the first time.. The God that i beleive in knows us before we were even a twinkle in our parents eyes.. He has know about us since time began. He has know what our decissions are going to be even before we do. He knows us better than we know ourselves. That being said.. i can not for the life of me picture in my head that before i was born. this loving God, Father to all of us.. looked us straight in the eye and said..
my child I love you more than you can ever imagine.. you are not capable to comprend the love I feel for you and all of My children..becasue each and every person on earth is My child. BUT>>>when you get a bit older you are going to get pregnant and you will kill your child and because of that i will forever banish you from My presenc and condemn you to an eternity of hell. NOT HAPPENING.. He loves us to much to do that..
The God that you seem to beleive in only lets people back home (heaven) if they have said that they know that Jesus is our Lord and Savior.. each roman catholic knows that. it is the basis of our religion. we know God sent His only Son to die for us.. not a problem with that. what i have a problem with is everyone saying that if you dont somehow live your life as saved.. read the bible and go by every word and all that i think you seem to believe in from the post i read. there has only been one perfect person in this world . His name is Jesus Christ. only one. you can read the bible every day.. and i have read it over and over many times..do you really think that all people in this world even your neigbhors who may not have the same religion as you do that once they die they dont get to go home. Heaven is home for all of God's children. and we are all God's children. each and every one of us..So please i understand that you think that if you dont somehow turn you life to Jesus and pray that He will forgive you and that and only that is the way to get into heaven.. i can not do that. the God that i beleive in. the God that all roman catholic believe in is a loving and merciful God who would never ever turn His back on us.. He knew we were all going to get abortions.. why would He do that and not just say to us befor we were born.. look if I sent you earth and when you get there you are going to have an abortion and I will never see you. so I am asking you would you like to be born and then die and burn in hell forever or would you rather you not be born stay here in heaven with me an then and only then I will be able to love you.
i am not trying to upset you but this is the only place a women no matter what her religious beliefs are can come her and not feel as if she is the only one who feels the way she does.. we all feel that way. not matter what our religious belief is. yes this is a christian based site. but not only christians come here.
carla and i used to have chats about this a long time ago . she knew my beliefs and i knew hers and we both respected each other.. this is not the place to discuss whether or not you have to accept anything this is a place of acceptence for everyone.. if by chance you would like to actually met in a chat room one day to talk about our different beliefs i would love that opportunity to do that. as i did with carla. if not you can email me at
hope to hear from you soon
marieelena

THANK YOU ALL AND I HAVE GROWN CLOSER TO MY FATHER OUR LORD. I HAVE BEGUN BACK READING A GOOD BOOK, THE BIBLE.AND I MUST SAY ITS HARD AND I STILL CRY ALOT, BUT WITH THE LOSS OF MY BABY I HAVE LOSS A HUGE PART OF MYSELF THAT I CAN'T GET BACK NOR CAN CHANGE.AND I HAVE EVEN STARTED TO HAVE ANXIETY ATTACKS.THE PAIN IN MY HEART IS SO GREAT THAT I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS GOING TO COME OUT MY CHEST. AND AT THAT POINT I FELT LIKE MY BABY WAS PULLING THE STRINGS ON MY HEART TO COME BE WITH HER BUT WHEN MY OTHER KIDS CAME IN TO CHECK ON ME THE PAIN LESSEN. I TRULY FEEL LIKE I'M LOSING MY MIND AND I'M TORN FOR THE LOVE OF MY BABY AND THE LOVE FOR THE OTHER 2.IF IT WASN'T FOR THEM AND THE MY FAITH IN THE LORD I SURELY WOULDN'T BE HERE TODAY EVENTHOUGH I AM SOMETIMES I JUST WANT THIS PAIN TO STOP.NO AMOUNT OF TIME IS GOING TO TAKE THIS PAIN AWAY.I WAS ALWAYS TAUGHT DON'T REGRET WHAT YOU DO ,BUT I REGRET THAT DAY AND EVERY DAY AFTER BECAUSE IT ONLY REMINDS ME OF THE LOSS OF MY BABY. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO?

Hi Michelle
honey now what you do is wait. keep praying and let time pass. And most importantly you morn. you keep pryaing and you let time pass. i found that in my life i seem to look back on my life as things went on it became.. that was before i had the abortion and this was after..your life may become what happened before and what happened after the abortion.. i wish i would be able to tell you that this is something that will eventually fade from you mind. but like all other mothers no mater how they lost thier child at o matter what age thier cildren were lost, their lives become what was before and what happened after the lost of my child. your life will never be the same but that doesnt mean it wont be wonderful.. you have two beautiful children that you can look at and hold and love here. and when you pass from this life and go home you will have that baby to love and hold for all eternity.
much love to you and much sympathy on the loss of your child
marieelena

Dear Michelle,
Thank you for coming back to Safe haven. We love you and continue to pray for you. I am glad that you are drawing closer to the Lord during this difficult time, He is the best Comforter. Pray about joining a post abortion support group. We have info available on our resource page. There are some good workbooks out there too to help you if you are not ready to join a group bible study, for example "Forgiven and Set Free" by Linda Cochrane. Check these things out when you have a chance.
You are loved,
Nona

GOD KNOWS MY HEART.AND IT SEEMS LIKE THE LORD HAS GUIDED ME TO THIS PLACE AND WITHOUT HIM I'M SURE TO FAIL.AFTER LOSING MY BABY I AM NOT THE SAME AND NEVER WILL BE.I CRY AND CRY STILL. MY DOCTORS SAY MY HORMONES ARE IMBALANCED AND I DOUBT SERIOUSLY IF THEY WEREN'T MY HEART WOULDN'T BE BROKEN.I LOVE ALL MY KIDS,AND I KNOW THEY KNOW I LOVE THEM.I JUST WISH MY BABY COULD FEEL THE LOVE THAT I WANTED SO MUCH TO GIVE.HOW BOUT MY DOCTORS SAY I WOULD HAVE MISCARRIED ANYWAY THE OTHER DAY, SO HOW DO YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT GOD HAS PLANNED FOR YOU.I KNOW I AGONIZED AND PRAYED OVER EVERY ASPECT BEFORE ,BUT NOW I QUESTION WAS IT REALLY MY DECISION OR WAS I JUST GOING ON THE PATH THAT GOD HAS SET FORTH FOR ME TO TRAVEL.SO I WONDER IF IT WAS EVER MEANT FOR ME TO HAVE MY LOVED ONE AT ALL ,OR DO THEY KNOW WHAT THEY TALKING ABOUT.EITHER WAY IT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER AND IT SURE DOEN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.BUT I'M GOING TO A THERAPY SESSION WITH A COUNSELOR SOON.I DON'T THINK NOTHING WRONG BUT I MISS MY BABY, AND THAT NOT GOING TO CHANGE SO WHAT CAN THEY TELL ME.BUT I AM STILL NOT SLEEPING MUCH, HOWEVER I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING THE SAME SINCE THAT DAY.

Dear Michelle
i have no way in the world of knowing if you would have lost your child or not if you didnt have the abortion. but never forget those doctors are only in it for the money. i have heard horror storied here about how a women was bleeding red blood and alot of it. she was having a miscarriage but the doctor told her she sill had to get an abortion. her child was laready gone. they knew it but never told her. but there is no money in it for them if they tell you the truth. one girlfriend of mine her daugher got pregnant. and she went for an abortion.. if was only after they did some test did they finally tell this girl who was in terrible pain from the guilt that her baby was dead when it was already inside ofher.. they knew it before the abortion and they only told her because the kid had to go for more test becasue the child that she was carrying had turned into a malignet tumor.. there is no money if they dont do the abortion. these doctors are terrible terrible people. they only told my girlfriend about the fetus that they aborted becasue if they didnt her daughter would have died from cancer and then they knew they would have be sued . and she didnt get her money back..
marieelena

i made the decision because i have two other children. if i didn't have them i probably would have risked my life for my child's.