Hi everyone! I'm writing here because I am sure a lot of couples were challenged in the same way, having to go through an abortion, but my situation just seems to be getting worse by the hour.


Basically, I'd found out I was pregnant in January. With the support from my mother I was convinced I was going to keep the baby, but then my partner started seeding serious doubts in my head and eventually I got scared and went for a termination. It was purely for reasons of selfishness. I am a student, living abroad, with basically no-one except for my partner, who is a student too. He persuaded me that a baby was the last thing we needed at that point, and I started realising that that would, in a sense, strike right through my university career and my will to continue living abroad.

After the termination, more than anything, I felt relieved, but as time progressed, the weight of guilt increased and eventually transformed into a clear thought of regret. And I think it's only natural, and I can cope with that, but the problem is that it's affecting the relationship with my partner. I (subconsciously?) blame him for skewing my decision and persuading me to make what I now perceive as the wrong choice.This leads to me constantly "picking holes" in him, accusing of every little thing that doesn't satisfy me.. the list goes on.

I am absolutely shattered. I don't want to end our relationship, but I absolutely cannot find the strength in me to tolerate some of his behaviour.

Would any of you happen to have advice?

Hi Fisher,
I don't have any advice but can relate to you... I am going through the same thing... Except when I was pregnant let everyone's thoughts convince me that it wasn't the right decision to have the baby... And now I like you, feel regret. And sadly there isn't a thing we can do about it... except blame those who convinced us otherwise.. This is causing damage to my relationship too... I don't so much blame my boyfriend, as I do get really angry at him and shut down emotions constantly.. My moods are uncontrollable.. But at the same time I don't want to feel like i'm being a bad person... Guys can be manipulative in that sense... Because they are used to being babied by their mothers, and have a very hard time admitting when they're wrong...

The way that I look at it is.. Don't feel guilty about your relationship going down hill... You just went through a very traumatic procedure.. If he is picking on you for calling him out on things that you don't appreciate that he does... then he's the one at fault for not being supportive of your trauma. You have to remember that you at one point felt that this would be the right option for you... and by the sounds of it, I think you made the right decision.. You're very lucky to be abroad right now.. I would give anything to travel... but even without a baby, haven't been able to find the means... There will be time for a baby... Maybe now just wasn't that time... And I know it's hard to think of it that way.. and getting a clear head can be very difficult... But hang in there, we all go through this... and we're all here to support you.

ps- sorry if my comment is a bit spacey! I'm typing at work with lots of distractions... Keep your head up, and have a good day