It has been almost 3 weeks since I had my abortion. I had posted an entry under real stories but figured I needed to let some stuff out and this forum seemed appropriate.

I've been having a rough time lately trying to stay positive and becoming content with the decision I made. It still hurts every time I see a mother with their young children or a pregnant woman. I envy them just imagining how happy I could be right now possibly being 9 weeks along. Ever since the news of being pregnant and telling my boyfriend and the decision to abort he's been okay of course. We haven't talked about how I've been since the week after the procedure and it bothers me knowing he can go about his day ok and every single day I can't help but cry. I've been trying to come to understand that I made the right decision but it seems very hard for me to do just that. The days before I had the abortion I thought about if I kept it I didn't want my bf to resent me but never once did I think about my feelings of if I regret what I did. We have been kind of on the rocks with our relationship and it's scary to know I may lose him. I'm in the military and have a possible deployment coming up and we've talked about it and he's made it clear we will break up. I just hate to think that I've been through what I have and it's all going to end. It upsets me that he doesn't want me like I want him and he sure as heck didn't want a baby, let alone me.

I've been trying to stay positive but every time I have a good moment in the day there is always time alone that I have and my mind wanders and thinks about the baby and what life would be like if I was still pregnant, if I would be happy or whole. I feel like there is an emptiness that will never be filled again or will take a while to fill. It's so hard to concentrate on things and it's getting irritating. I just wish I didn't feel like this. I have made an appt to talk to someone and I'm hoping that helps. I just hate that I feel more alone now than I did when I recieved the news.

I am so sorry for your pain. Will you please keep us updated after you speak to the person you made an appointment with? I am happy to hear you have done that and I hope it helps you to realize that you are truly grieving. There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling because you have suffered a real loss.
Keep seeking help. There are many good post abortive counselors out there (check local crisis pregnancy centers). They are trained to help you through this. Don't ignore your pain. It needs to be dealt with because post abortion syndrome is a real thing.
You are in my prayers.

I went through the exact same feelings. I am sorry to say that my boyfriend and I didn't make it through I loved him very much and still do but I couldn't look at him reminded of what we did and I am so happy now. I have found solace in my religion and have found someone new that has listened to me and made me happier then ever. Please take it from me if you two do break up YOU WILL BE OK, Time does heal wounds. I use to have dreams after my abortion of how I was holdoing my baby boy and then horrible dreams filled with blood, but they do pass, the hurt lingers but I promise you can find happiness in time and heal your soul to find hapiness in yourself. Ask the Lord for forgiveness, even if you are not holy, just ask for forgiveness and you wil learn to move forward. I hope this will help, you are not alone at all and have mmore strength as a woman then you will ever have known before now