Today I was sitting home, alone, thinking about what I had done almostt two years ago. I wanted to talk to someone about it, but feel that no one really understands. I don't think anyone could unless they went through it themselves.

I am currently 22.  I was 20 when I got pregnant. My boyfriend at the time and I were just after getting back together after we had broken up for three months. We were together for two years. The relationship was full of up and downs but we truely loved eachother.

When I found out I was pregnant, my boyfriend was really supportive. He told me that whatever I wanted to do, he would fully support me. I told my mom (I still live at home; both me and my boyfriend at the time were university students).

My mother stated right away that I must get an abortion...that word is still so hard to say to this day. She told me that if I didn't, I would not be able to live home, because my father would kick me out. I knew I was too young and not ready to have a baby. But I did not want an abortion. But the thought of being kicked out of my house, breaking my parents hearts and letting them down, got the best of me.

My abortion date was right before Christmas. My boyfriend couldn't take me because he had an exam that day. My mother had to take me.

I was so scared. I was sitting in the hospital bed, terrified. My mother got a call from my sister and had to leave to go drive her to school. She left me there, alone, for an hour before the procedure. I don't think I will ever forgive her for that, and I never did forgive my boyfriend.

Two months after the abortion, me and my boyfriend broke up. I treated him very badly afterwards and I think, he just reminded me of the abortion. I lost a child and a great love. My ex and I are still very close. We have the same friends, so it's kinda hard not to be friends. Every few weeks, we hang out and do something.

We don't talk about the abortion anymore. It's too hard. Even now. Will I ever stop thinking about it? I still cry once in awhile. When I see something that reminds me. I don't know if I will be able to have kids, because I will think of what I had done to my first.

I have another boyfriend now. Who knows everything I had went through and he is very supportive. He has helped me alot and helped me through many breakdowns. He is my angel and I thank God for him every day....but I still wonder....will God ever forgive me?