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Subject: scared

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silentxmemories User is Offline

Posts:1

04/16/2008 9:42 AM
I remeber everything like it was yesterday... In february i started to feel like i had the flu i felt sick all day long... i went to the walgreens down the street and bought a home test and it said positive i was excited yet scared.. i went to the doctor and had a blood test and they told me i was about 8 wks prg.. that night i went to class and then went to my boyfriends house after to tell him ... well that didnt go well he told me he wasnt ready for this and that it just couldnt be and that we had to do something... i tried to tell him and myself that it was ok and that we would be just fine... it didnt work ... later that week i found myself on the phone with a strange lady asking to set up an appointment for an abortion... i hate that word.... i used every penny i had for the procedure.. and i remember getting to see my baby on the screen when they did the ultrasound before the procedure and i just cried and the dr. and nurse told me to calm down it wasnt that big of a deal... i went back to the waiting area i wanted to leave i wanted to get out and just run... but i felt trapped... i didnt care if they kept the money i just wanted to get the hell out of there but my boyfriend said it would be ok that it is what we had to do .... they took my back into the room and explained what they were going to do.. that i had to be put out for a little... i remember screaming no and telling them to leave me alone and them bringing my boyfriend into the room to calm me down.... after that the meds kicked in and by the time i was able to tell what was going on the dr. said almost done... the pain was terrible and the sound oh the sound.... when the dr. was done the nurse handed me a paper towel and told me to get myself cleaned up and she left the room i crashed to the floor in pain and tears... after about an hour she came back in to take me to the dr. office to get my perscription and to talk to the dr..... i asked if i could have a picture of my baby.... he made me a dark hard to see photocopy... when we left that office i dont remember much except crying and falling asleep and the terrible pain... the date was march 16 2007.... my parents still dont know and now i feel awful and like i could just fall over and die like the world is ending and it is a year and one month after i dont want to be forgiven because i feel like i deserve to be punished... i am now 19 yrs old and feel alone and scared...

summerise

Posts:1

04/20/2008 2:59 PM
hello sweetheart i know you are hurting but you are already forgiven you are going to have a wonderful family soon you are very young and the best is yet to come be strong now and prepare for your future child/children 'lots of love.'

carla

Posts:36

04/24/2008 2:57 PM
(((HUGS AND PRAYERS))), I welcome you to SafeHaven and pray that you will find love, support and encouragement as you come and share the deep hidden pain in your heart. You are not alone and we understand the pain this choice carries. I encourage you to read through the pages here at SafeHaven, especially the "Abortion Recovery" pages. Also, please join our moderated evening chats in our chat rooms every Sunday-Friday evenings. You don't have to go through this alone, the online community you have found understands and many of us have found the healing, forgiveness and peace your heart and soul are seeking. My abortion was in 1984 and I remained silent for 12 years before speaking the words of abortion and the hidden pain in my heart and the memories that burned in my mind. It is so important to not stuff away these memories and pain but to work through them. Praying for you! Carla carla@postabortionpain.com

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