About three years ago, I had an abortion. It was a tough decision. Part of me didn't want the abortion, but part of me did. I was afraid that neither my boyfriend nor I would be able to finish college if I had a baby. I knew that it would be hard to raise a child, and it would be even harder, emotionally, to have a child, then give it up for adoption. Plus, my parents put a lot of pressure on me to have an abortion. Even though I've always known that I loved and wanted to have children, and part of me wanted to keep the baby, in the end, I gave in to the pressure and the fear, and I had an abortion.

For a long time, I felt that I didn't deserve God's forgiveness, and that I couldn't/shouldn't forgive myself. I felt that way because there are things I was/am able to do, or were/are able to do them more easily, because I don't have a child. I finished college, and I am proud of that, and I am greatfull for the freedom to do certain things I want that would be difficult if I had a child to think about. Although I am sorry for having the abortion, I thought that I must not be sorry enough because I still enjoy certain things about being unattached.

I have come to realize that it is ok to be thankfull for certain things I was/am able to do, or things that are easier for me to do, because I do not have the responsibility of a child. It doesn't mean that I should not be forgiven, or that I am not sorry for the sin I committed. I am sorry for my sin. I am sorry because I know that it hurt God, and because I will never know my child, or what she/he would have become. But that doesn't mean God doesn't want me to have joy or be greatfull for things I achieve or accomplish from now on. I know that God wants us all to have joy in our lives.

I also thought that I did not deserve forgiveness because, if I had it to do over again, I know that part of me would still want to have an abortion. I now know that the reason part of me did want to have an abortion was because I was afraid, and being afraid doesn't mean you're a bad person. It is ok to be afraid, and it is human to feel tempted to sin. It is the act of sin which displeases God, not the feeling of temptation. Everyone feels temptation sometimes.

I know now that I made the wrong decision: I sinned. But, I also know why I did it, and I can forgive myself, and accept God's forgiveness. I know what I should have done. The right choice is, most often, not the easiest. Sometimes it's the hardest, but I now know that God will always be there for me, with me, to protect and provide, no matter the hardship.