Morning em411,

  I was 16 in 1978 and was forced to have the abortion by my parents and they took me out of state. I don't not remember the procedure being done becasue I passed out before they started. I was an emotional wreck. I began drinking and drunning the streets tring to escape the pain and emotional turmoil. Within the first year I wanted to take my life. I soon began tring to get pregnant again. It took three years for me to become pregnant again. In 1985 I sought mental health treatment. They told me I was Schizophrenic. I had horrible nightmares, I hear babies crying all the time, I was ashamed of taking the life of my child. It did not help, so I shoved it down and kept going. 
 
I began taking medical classes begining 1991 and discovered that I was not Schizophrenic. I had gone thru 3 Drs. until I was listened to and with the assitance of my Counselor I was revalutated and was told I had bipolar disorder and would require medication for the rest of my life. In addition to PAS (listed here on this site).  I also found an article by Kenneth Doka and he described disenfranchised grief. I was then and able to grieve for my dead child, Heather. Our support group had a memorial service for our dead children on June 5, 1997. I felt like King Kong and continued raising my children. 

When my daughter went into early labor in July of 2002, I crashed with pain again. The thought of her loosing her child was more that I could handle alone. I started searching to web for updated information about PAS, I found Safe Haven and began coping again with the heat ache.  I have been posting on and off since.

For my 30th year anniversary of that dreaful day I found this scripture that brought me comfort. Psalm 106:37 They sacrificed their sons and daughters to demons. I do not drink anymore, I do not have the guilt that I used to. i know have six grandbabies and love them dearly.

I hope that you have has an abortion that you seek a counselor that specializes in PAS. They will listen and not judge you by your actions. Attend a bible study and check out some of the links from this web site. You can go to chats here at scheduled times listed above. If you are thinking about having an abortion, please do not. There is as many problems phyiscally problems as well as emtional turmoil. I hope I have said enough to help you in your healing. Read so of the other Ladies posts of the sorrow that it has caused them. Thank for coming to the site.


Cyber hugs,
Patty

Sorry about some of the errors. I have a hard time proof reading my own work.

You are welcome, please feel free to ask anything else. Stop in and Chat.

Patty